caresses preface caresses chapter 1 caresses chapter 2 caresses  chapter 3 caresses chapter 4 caresses chapter 5 caresses chapter 6 caresses chapter 7 caresses chapter 8 caresses chapter caresses chapter 10 caresses chapter 11 caresses chapter 12 caresses chapter 13 caresses chapter 14 caresses chapter 15 caresses chapter 16 caresses chapter 17 caresses chapter 18 caresses chapter 19 caresses chapter 20 caresses chapter 21 caresses chapter 22 caresses chapter 23 caresses chapter 24 caresses chapter 25 caresses chapter 26

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caresses intimate memoirs of Jaqueline de R

Caresses


The Intimate Memoirs of Jaqueline de R

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I notice that I am writing down the details of my first steps into the great adventure of love-making without any shame. It surprises me a little, since I am supposed to keep these things a secret, and, being a young girl from the aristocracy, I have to blush at the mere mention of the word.

But I have always been against superfluous shame, especially since it is the worst form of hypocrisy I can think of. My morals and customs are the result of my birth, my upbringing and education in a time where it was acceptable. I daily thank fate which caused me to be born in an environment which was lenient toward the satisfaction of my needs and desires.

It was very early in life that I became convinced that free morals were the true sign of nobility and elegance and not, as those stern moralists insist, a degeneration of the spirit. On the contrary, nothing is more noble than to bring the spirit into concord with the body. It allows people to live their life in fullness, to offer them a delightful youth, and to make them grow old gracefully without any unnecessary guilt feelings.

* * *

I knew that my relationship with the tenant farmer's son had absolutely nothing to do with love. The only thing which bound me to him was my desire for carnal lust and its ultimate fulfillment. Nevertheless, I cannot deny that a certain tenderness in feelings was growing between us. But I realized now that I had had the same feelings for Francois, and that my so-called undying love for him had passed away the day I found Jerome. I was not, therefore, afraid of what might happen to me if anything should come between Jerome and me. I was now convinced that after him I might soon find another.

Besides, our affair did not last long. It was my own fault, because I had become overconfident, and slightly careless. We were soon separated, and my life suddenly changed drastically.

It happened on the day that my dear aunt was expected to return to the castle, and I had not deemed it necessary to interrupt our game of love. As I had done the two previous days, I invited Jerome up to my room. Each day our love-making became more elaborate, and dear Jerome was a very eager and extremely good pupil. Of course, the enormous tool he had to work with, made instruction pure pleasure for me.

I was determined to teach my darling all the positions I had learned from Francois and then some, and Jerome, blinded and happy, announced his pleasure with grunts and groans, which I answered with panting cries and moaning. I was completely naked on the couch, my legs up in the air, offering my golden fleece and all its secrets to Jerome, who was in my moist fleece. He was about to ram his pole deep into my belly when suddenly the door opened!

Jerome, whose face was buried between my breasts did not see anything, but I could see my aunt standing in the door opening. She did not seem mad, though her face expressed certain disgust.

She turned around and shut the door behind her. Jerome and I were alone again. But I got up off the couch, leaving Jerome completely-bewildered, and hurriedly dressed myself, telling Jerome to do the same. I explained it to him in one word, “Aunt!â€

The poor boy was petrified; he turned pale, and did not know what to do. We looked at one another, not daring to leave the room. Jerome trembled like an aspen leaf.

I was the first one to recover my composure. I dressed carefully, brought my hair in order, applied some rouge to my face, and looked as if nothing had happened. Jerome had put on his blouse, buttoned his breeches and put on his shoes. I went into the corridor; it was empty. I went downstairs, Jerome following me as if he were my shadow; the hall was empty, too. Jerome dashed for the door, and ran out into the park, forgetting his milk jar and cheese basket. It was the last time I saw him.

* * *

I saw my aunt at dinner, and much to my surprise, she did not at all allude to what she had seen that afternoon, but, instead, spoke in a pleasant tone about her shopping trip and about friends she had met. I was terribly confused but managed not to show it, and dinner proceeded as usual.

I must admit that I was terribly worried when I went to bed, because I was afraid that this stillness might be the forerunner of a terrible thunderstorm. My mind was racing. I was conjuring a thousand horrible punishments and I was deadly afraid that I would be sent to a cloister.

Finally I fell asleep. The next day my fear grew, when a servant announced that my aunt wanted to see me for breakfast. This had never happened before!

I was very surprised therefore that she did not seem furious at all. On the contrary, she looked at me with a smile! It seemed to me that she was amused about my fear and confusion.

She was sitting in her big armchair in front of her desk, which was littered with papers. She took her ivory snuff box and took a deep snuff. Then she motioned me to sit down next to her.

She took my hand, and said, “Jacqueline, I will not make any accusations. After all, I knew your mother and your father... their blood flows through your veins, and, I myself burn with the same fire.

“I have known about your games with your teacher and your cousin Amaranthe from the day they began. But though I have said nothing when you took Francois as your lover, I cannot stand by silently about your affair with Jerome. Your teacher came from a splendid family; Jerome is only a peasant.

“Mind you, my dear cousin, I do not have a prejudiced mind, and I do not look down upon peasants. As a matter of fact, I am convinced that among them you will find more honesty and naturalness than among the great of the world who are bloated with pride and vanity. “

But, dear Jacqueline, it is the way of the world, and you alone cannot fight it. Despite all the advances made by the philosophers, I cannot allow you to continue what you are doing.

To do so would be delivering you to ridicule and shame, and it would be disastrous to our proud family name.

“I have therefore decided that we shall move to Paris to finish your education. We shall find ourselves a nobleman who is equal to you in birth. I think that marriage is the best and most convenient way to extinguish your burning desires in a manner approved of by society.â€

* * *

This little speech set me to daydreaming. But soon I was overwhelmed by the idea, and became very enthusiastic. I thanked my aunt profusely.

Paris! With its luxury, its easy manners, its many pleasures... Everything which I had ever wanted!

That night I danced through the lanes of the park. Goodbye, Leda... goodbye swan! Goodbye, oh beautiful place where I was initiated into Eros' games... goodbye nymphs and fauns, witnesses to my ever-increasing abilities in the game of love. And goodbye dear bushes, in whose shadows I have tasted the pleasures of the flesh.

A month after the decision was made, my aunt and I departed for Paris.

A new life was about to begin!